A Letter to My Fellow Mis-Matched 20-Somethings

Dear Match.com Men Seeking Women,

Congratulations on putting yourself out there. Online dating is quite an adventure. (Trust me, I know.) I've read many of your profiles, and I thought you might like some helpful hints. I know this is coming from just one "Woman seeking Men", but I've learned a lot so far. Here goes.

Let's start with the more obvious ones:

• MULLETS ARE NEVER OKAY. Seriously. Never. Frankly, they weren't ok in 1985, and they're not ok in 2011. 

• The fact that you are using a website indicates that you do, in fact, have access to a computer and use one on occasion. In that case, USE SPELL CHECK.

• Furthermore, if you are a man in your late twenties or early thirties trying to attract someone your age (say, legal) then DO NOT TYPE AS IF YOU ARE A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL TEXTING HER BFF. "r u the 1 looking 4 me?" is not an appropriate opener. Complete words, complete sentences. Is that too much to ask?

• It's great that you want to share information for your readers, but here's the thing. When it asks you to list your favorite things, keep it simple. An entire (and quite lengthy) paragraph listing about 30-40 of your "favorite foods" is overkill. First of all, are they really all your favorites? Second of all, we all like to eat, that's cool. But there are other things in life, for real.

Ok, these next ones might be slightly more complicated. But you can do it. I promise. Stick with me.

• Some say that the first date is too soon to talk about first dates. Well, however you feel about that, there is one thing I know for sure.  YOUR MATCH.COM PROFILE IS TOO SOON TO TALK ABOUT YOUR WIFE. Seriously. To the guy who said "I'm a good husband, but my wife left me and I don't think she's coming back", this is not the way to get dates. Try again. (Or better yet, work through some issues before you get back into the dating scene.)

• Can we talk about photo choices for a minute? The goal is to put your best foot forward, right? I get that. But I also don't want to be to surprised when we first meet. So can we have a happy medium? Try to smile- don't look like you're ready to murder someone. But also, make sure it's representative of your true self. For example, if you have a mullet, don't hide it (PARTAAAY*) and if you only have 4 teeth, give a girl some warning! (Please, Dante*?) 

• And last, but most CERTAINLY not least, don't lie. Just don't. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you're only 5' 5", that's ok. Own it! 5' 5" does NOT in any way translate to 5' 8". And if you're looking for a relationship, great! If you don't read many books, that's ok.  But not reading books does not mean you can say the last book you read was "The Grapes of Wrath" because that is the only book title you can remember from high school. All I'm saying is, you do you.

So there you have it. Just some suggestions from one online dater to another. Take it or leave it. (But seriously, take it.)

Again, congratulations on trying this new form of dating. Good luck and happy profile writing. (And really, take my advice, but don't. I sure do like writing these blog posts about you crazies.)

Sincerely, 

Mis-matched 20-Something